aRgh. PROMOS.
[28.09.2007]
promos started le.. wow.. hahaz.. may not do very well.. haha.. went in exam room wiv uneasy mind, came out with an uncertain one.. hahaz.. DEAD.hmm.. quite a fun dAe toDae.. wahaha. well.. morning had pp.. aFtErnoon had pp.. den 5++ endEd.. went eat wiv yanli n yeele.. chit chat, tok crap, watched e dumb (to the power of 1000) videos.. hahaz...
den studY... study.... tok... study.. tok tok tok.. hahahaz.. very fun.. especialli while we wEre walking out e gATe.. wahahahahahha.. but those jokes can't be let out.. =pPp but.. some photos to shaRe for toDaE! =))
That's my MUM with her litter ON THE GROUND.. Well.. She's Mrs CHUA. cant help it.. =pPp
That's yAnLi's neW speCS! supEr coOL! =))
MAN MAN!! He's watching tV! so cUtE! and yes. ttz his saliva. hahaz.. <333
okkies.. im giddy now.. haha.. i tink due to lack of brainjuices.. used them in e past few dAes liao.. haha.z. ofF! =))
Mrs Chua is bad example of a good civilian.
bEiJiNg... confirmed. =) or =( ?????????????????????
[22.09.2007]
emo session starts again. haha.
a decision made. rite or wrong? it's never for me to decide. it's alwaes family and friends who decided it. well, at least to me, it is so. from this aspect, that decision is wrong. becos i sacrificed,... well... ya. sacrifice maybe.. i sacrificed family and friends. but, from a selfish point of self, i made a rite decision. argh. but the feeling is jus not right.
changes changes changes. in life, most of the things are ever-changing. i don like it. or rather i hate it. i cant keep what i wan, i cant change evting to how i wan it to be. hai. but dere's one ting that has never changed..... my height... hahaz.. ***brrr...*** orites... sry.. hahaz..
not a rite feeling whenever i enter that place which i tot i'd be very happi at. well, u may say it was all in the past, but, the "remnants" are still in my mind. maybe i jus cant treat that as nth ba. maybe i weigh that too heavily in my heart. somethings jus cannot be washed off with time or jus a simple sorry. also maybe if i din get it, i cld hv been leading a better life. no nd to escape. oh. come to think of tis, i tink i've alr developed FEAR. ha. shit.
if onli i cld ACCIDENTALLI got on a boat/plane/car/bus/taxi/train/sub-marine... den bring me to somewhr where dere are no human beings. but of cos, pls give me food and water and clothings. maybe i cld hv been happier. hahaz. no worries, no entanglement, no comparisons, no homework, no stress, no competition. but well.. may lead to no emotions, no life. haiz...
so is lifeless life still a life? is emolife still a life? is uglylife still a life? is escapinglife still a life? argh.
Escapist. Not that I want to actually. Can't help it.
new skin!
[18.09.2007]
woO hoO! niCe nEw skin! hahahahz.. n dEre's joLin's sOng too~! woO! pUUURRRRRFECT! =pPP
well.. life's gReAt WITHOUT pW! finally we can don touch liao cos tmr submitting liaoz.. pHEW.. thankx wei xiang for your eFficIenCY! imbal! hahahhaz.. din go sCh tis morning.. onli aTtendEd pW leCture in e aFtErnoon.. hahaz.. slePt till 1230.. wahahahahaz.. damn shuang.. so i very energEtic toDae..
staYed in sCh to stUdy.. hahaz.. chaTted wiv izzat for vERY long.. den din study.. hahaz.. sAI.. but aFt tt, quite producTIve.. studied till 9pm.. wiv dEsmond cos tt stupid tan yee le gottA rush home do pw..
so.. cool la.. if onli i cld slp till 1230 evdae.. hahahz.. wad a dReaM.. hahaz..
oritEss.. too bored waiting for ms tan to send me HER wR.. hahaz.. i shall posT some chinA pics.. =))
aiyA.. tis uploaDing tingy is pissing me off.. i wan put some damn damn damn funny disgRace pix keep on internet explorer gt prob.. damn sai.. im gonna tRy aGn neXt tym.. those photos are too DISGRACEFUL to be leFt out.. wahahahz.. =pPp
No matter what, friends are always just a phone away. That's what you told me. =))
[18.09.2007]
HAPpIe BURfDaY TO BENjA ON 17TH SEPT 2007!!
it was benja's bdAE yeStD~!!! heEx.. cool..
b4 tt, jus sum lil tings before gg to the BIG ones..heEx.. was dARN dARN dARN tired todAe due to e dAMn PW.. yuckkss.. okkies..
nxT in e aFtErnoon... wahahaz.. cool.. did e pRepAraTions.. haha.. e cARd was e most funny one.. hahaz.. eSp e SONG.. hahaz.. jus feel lyk lafing... damn cool la! realli! haaz.. aFt tt, prepaRed e surPrIsE! woO~! haD ceLesTe's help! Thanks Celeste! dono zr gt help anot but anw, Thanks ZhongRu! heEx.. it was sorT of a sucCess(i realli hope...).. hahaz.. cos wad i gathered from benja was tt he was surprisEd..! heng sia.. hahaz.. good good..
den we went up LN eAt cAKe.. heE.. long tym din c yAngmin jie too.. so aGrEed to sErvE her e cAke.. heEx.. tok alil' den sherman came in lame wiv benja.. hahaz.. funny siA! in LN oso very funny.. plaYed many games.. wahaha..
1st, played "gOLf" wiv yL..
2nd, became referee for yL and bj's gAme.. haha... alot stupid tings happened too..
3rd, plaYed uno-stack.. wah piang.. heng i nv kena.. TAN and CHEW kena.. did sth disgrAceFUL.. hahahahahz.. shall not ruin their reputation here..
den, plaYed e ai ni zai xin kou nan kai if im not wrong.. hahahahaz.. damn NOOB, damn funnY!! heE.. play until i realli don feel lyk gg home seriouSLi.. my lethargy all gone.. heEx..
well.. all e whiLe HSBC had lotSa figHts.. every now and den.. hahaha... damn funny.. sigh! life wiv dem is owAz so fun! haha...
when gg home, also a surpriSe tingy.. hahz.. cool man.. hahahz.. well.. i realli enjoyed even tho it's not my bdAe.. hahaz.. hope benja enjoyed himself alot more than i do!! SMILE! =))
Memories are kept in heart but SHOULD be kept in a .......... book too. Haha. HINTS!
[11.09.2007]
i hate tis feeling. totalli hated this stupid feeling. i dono if it's fear or a lost of direction. i dono if it's periodic ting or permanent. i dono whr am i, who am i, wad am i doing, wad have i done. i dono if i caused tis or it jus happened naturalli. i dono so many damned tings and im still leading tis "LOST" life. damn.
how i wish i could jus do nothing. absolutely nth. i wan to withdraw, but i cant. if i did, i have many ppl to.... "answer to".. hv to answer to myself too.. i wan to do sth to find back tt lost direction, but i cant seem to do anyting. it is jus LOST. i lose it.
i jus wan to move back. in terms of time, in terms of "height".
I learnt many things. But I realised I was able to apply NONE.
back to school.
[10.09.2007]
lotsa homework, lotsa notes, lotsa information, lotsa tings in mind, little time. i'm trying to avoid. really. trying really hard to avoid thinking abt the scarcity of tym we have to squeeze evting on books and notes into our minds. i know i sld start early (which is lyk... now?haha..), but i jus cant seem to get myself started. ARGH. i know i sld start now. i KNOW.
aft 1 month, i finally stepped into JJC to attend a full day formal lesson! yeAH! wad a great feeling to be back in school again, with all my friends (not attending lessons..... argh.). but well, i was really tired cos i slept late yestd. hmm...
evening, yeele n i were walking home. den we saw.... GEOK WOON N FAHMI!! heehee.. dey came to studY! so we decided to stay in sch to study too.. aWww well.. hahaz.. i wanted to slp n eat badly, but, i jus wan to spend tym wiv dem! ^________^ we stayed n study, chit chatted at some pt in tym.. i jus love to be wiv 23rd.. any1 will do.. jus any 23rd-ian, i jus love to be with dem.. =))
dEn at niTe, we sAw a man. in army uniform. walking towaRds us. i did not wear specs, carn c clearly. den, as he walked closer, my blurred vision became clearer and clearer. i sensed the kind of warmth and aura. hahaz. den, i saw him. he is.................... MR SIMON LEOW!! woO~! long tym din see him.. was realli excitEd n very verY exhilaRaTed to see him!! he is realli cool.. hahaz.. very shuai in e uniform too.. wahahaz. he still rmb geok woon aka KEN aka rubbish collector.. hahaz.. dey r so fated eh.. hahaz.. well anw, we started chatting wiv him on many issues.. it's realli greAt toking to him.. i tink he realli loves and cares ALOT aloT for his students.. wad a great tcheR.. hEex.. long long long long long tym din see him, din tok to him liaoz.. realli miss him ehs!! =)))))))))))
was being questioned bout winter. i dono. one is wiv lotsa heavy valuables and dictionaries, which i am realli very willing to bring back with me. the other is with sth i have alr long lost confidence in but wiv e type of feeling that i wan to experience. that's y i realli dono. winter. hmm. maybe i'll choose tropical in e end. haha. i dono.
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I think I have lost it. I am no longer her. She is not me anymore.
BORING!
[07.09.2007]
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
i am diagnosed with an illness - falls asleep whenever im in contact with books, i mean.. study n hmwk........
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
anw.. tis mrg had eCons.. damn it man! i faiLEd eCOns! sAi! but well, it was predicted.. i had mental preparation.. so.. not very much affected.. hahaz.. not a gd thing actl to have not much feeling when i failed.. hahaz..
nEXT! pW discussion.. managEd to come up with some coOL idEaS! hahahahahahaz... lyk.. finalli!? hahahz... phew! finally. hahaz.
dEN! had luNch wiv yAngmin jie, aDeLinE, jiaYinG, yAngCe, yAnli! hahaz.. cRappEd quite ALot.. oh ya!! we plaYeD a SUPER DUPER LAME GAME!! hahahahahahz.. it's called..... miLk shaKe i tink.. hahaz.. we drive e milk cart den gotta deliver e milk bottles, unbroken.. hahaz.. well.. we wEre damn noob.. jiaying n yangce were e un-noobs.. hahahahz.. okkies.. den we look thru a chio-bu de blog.. yea.. she's indEed a beautY! heeheehee...
aft tt, we haD our lunCH.. thanks aNgiE for ta bao-ing for us! =)) well.. yaNLi quite sTrEss i tink.. hahaz.. it's ok la! i tink ttz jus HER.. as in.. e one yaNLi fearEd.. hahahz.. e more u tRy to avoid, e more it comes to u eh! heEx.. while eATing, we lookEd at thosE photOs we took in chiNa.. AND!!! TO MY GAWD DAMN HORROR, THE HUMPS OF THE CAMELS CAN ACTUALLY MOVE!!! wtH! i knew it jus TODAE!! wad e hell! hahahahahahz.. n dey saw (in china) a woman being clamped by the camel's humpS! hahahaz.. hahahahahahahz.. e more i imagine, e more unbelievaBLe i find it... and e loudEr i laF... hahahahz! daMn funny!
okkies.. den we wEnt home aFt tt.. heehee.. THANKS FOR THE WONDERFUL LUNCH PEEPS! =))
went home, as usual, played wiv man man.. heEeheE.. nth much liaoz.. im trying realli harD to concentraTe on completing my TONS of HOMEWORK.. but i jus cant seem to FOCUS n realli complete onli ONE big question... ARGH! tis is not at all rite man.. but i jus cant contRol.. i keeP watching joLin's concERt dvd.. watching aGn n aGn n aGn n aGn for lyk dono how many tYms.. it's jus TOO NICE. hahahaz.. well.. NO LIFE actl.. but i jus enjoy! =)))
oRITes.. face reality ba.. im gg baCk to DO MY HOMEWORK. =((((
The more you shun, the more it comes to you. =))
back to sch!
[06.09.2007]
[05.09.2007] had maths EARLY IN THE MORNING... ok.. i was laTe for 7mins... BUT, the tcher was laTe for 30mins!! so in e end, we wAited for HIm.. okkies.. wEll.. hahahaz.. he keNa SUaNed.. wahahaha.. quite fun n livELi leSson.. hahahz.. well.. cos we're baCk from CHINA! ttz y e cls became noisIeR! damn fun wiv aDeLinE aRd.. hahahahahz.. e wAe she speAks to e tcHer ar.. hahahaha.. damn funny..
nxt, stayed n TRIED doing hmwk.. hahahaz.. yes.. i realli did tRy.. but i cant do. hahahaz.. ok la.. maybe din put in effort ba.. wadever. aRGH. NEXT! pw consultation... im gg maD.. seriousli... i realli don lyk PW.
den meet yL go jP.. ARGgh!! very sCaRy!! we meT someTHING disgusting, scARy, weird, stunning, entirely ridiculous.. but i tink our reaction upon seeing n aft sEeing was more fun.. hahahahahaz.. well, im not gonna sAE heRe man!! hahaz.. okkies.. ben lai we wan to go libraRy sTUdy de... in e eND!! went jp eAt, bought man man's ting, den we WENT HOME! tmd! hahahaz.. damn stupid la..! in e end i din do ANY homewORk at all.... SAI!
tmr[06.09.2007] gonna be tirIng.. i guess i beTa go off now.. aRGH... im realli WASTING TOO MUCH TYM...........................................................................
I want and need to cut hair. Ha.
[04.09.2007]
aRGh. tIrEd.
it's very laTe now.. but im still heRE! hahaz.. very tirEd.. tis morning haD pW discusSion at my hsE.. wiv yC n hY.. brain dEad.. haha.. played wiv man man every now n dEn.. heE heE..
from aRd 9++ did till.... 330 lyk tt.. ARGH! PW IS DISGUSTING! hahaz.. serious la..
jus 3/4 done wiv pW.. still more more to go.. gotTa bia aGn tmr.... sai..
anw, e photos from CHina tRip, i gonNa put dEM all in ... rockyou or flickr.. heEheE.. but not so soon.. quitE cOoL cos got lotSa DISGRACEFUL photos.. hahaz.. no imaGe le sia.. hahaz..
wEd gg baCK for leSson.. hahaz.. aCtl im quite eXcitEd, seriousli.. 3 wks din go JJ eh! hahaz.. miss e fEeling.. yeAH! but it's MATHS leSsOn la.. but well, aWw. hahaz.. =))
okkies.. i gotta go sLp liao.. panDa eyed.. realli.. buhbye!
Facing up to the brutal reality. Study. =(
CHINA TRIP!
[02.09.2007]
wOw..! i'm finalli baCK in singAPore on fRidAe!! woO~! =)) let's go week by week in cHinA~!
WEEK ONE
10/8,friday
- board plane early early in da mrng..
- watched sunrise between layers of clouds, beautiful.
- plane in china delayed for 4HOURS! aRgH.. -_-"
- reached zhengzhou(ZZ) at nite.. temp was 23 dEgRees C.. cOoling indEed..!
- took 1hr30mins bus ride to reach ZZ sEc sCh.. wOw.. china's indeed BIG.
- we bathed wiv FREEZING COLD WATER at 1am+++... dARN DARN DARN COLD!
Missing family, HSBC, friends and MAN MAN!
12/8,sunday
- 2nd day of HISTORY lesson.. hahaz.. fell aslp omos every lesson even tho i tried real hard to kip myself awake.. aRGh.
- actl gonna use their sch de com lab.. in e end caNt.. in e eNd, took lotSa photos.. haha..
- nite went tcher's condo for debrief.. some disgraceful ting happened.. hahaz.. we(yang,yong,yan,me) were on our wae back to our hostel aft e debrief.. i din wear specS.. den i saw black tings flying.. i tink dey r bats ehx.. but i realli dono.. hahhaz.. i was holding on damn tightly to yaNg n i tink a bat flew past me!!!! i acted calm.. 2nd tYm, i sCREAMED! 3rD tyM, i sCrEameD n jumpEd, hoping to jump ovEr e baT!! heng nobody was deRe.. damn diu lian!! DISGRACE. den we continued walking, and it was so dark tt we couldnt c anyting.. suddenly, a dog BARKED! wahpiang... we screamed den ran! hahahz.. very DISGRACE!
- interacted wiv some chinA studEntS! cool.
Being outside without your family, it is best to be independent and not to rely on anyone anymore.
13/8,monday
- had an icecream treat from yC! thans yang! tt choc icecream was SUPER DUPER thick! so thick tt i omos had a sorE throat aFt tt! hahaz..
- someting happened. well, things do not only hv one side..
I miss MAN MAN! Awww.
14/8,tuesday
- heard some inner news bout tis trip.. hahahaz.. imbal lehx.. not very happi news.. but at least, i saw more tings.
- e male tchers gave yM a soft toy.. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! dere was NO SMILE on YM's fAce.. hahahahaz..
- ms chin flaRed.
- went cOm laB!! yeAH! emaileD ppl!! yeAH!
I gave up on Xin Yu today? Hahahahahaha...
15/8,wednesday
- SHOPPING! bu xing jie! cool man! bought clothings and hp accessorieS!
- skin damn drY!
I hope I did not cause any trouble when I could not help much.
16/8,thursday
- YEAH! i cAlled home! man man talked to me! hahaz.. but not very willingli la.. hahaz.. wadever!
- china frens leaVing tmr.. dey came over n we chattred for very long..
Planned to wash it, but in the end did not. I should know WHY. Haha.
WEEK TWO
19/8,sunday
- visited many places yestd n todaE! we had an obscene pic of yan picking up yang's phone.. aRGH.
- went kai feng!! bought lotSa tingS!! n man man's "cosTumE"!!! so cutE la!!!
- took horse carriage too.. suddenly felt so sAd for e horSe.. aRGh.. kena hit so many many many tYMs throughout e short 20mins ridE.. haiz....
- sHoppinG aft visiting all plaCes!!
- nite weNt bu xing jie shop aGN!!! woOhoO~! lost a damn nice purple shirt i jus bought... ARGHHHHHHH~~~~~~~!!!!!!!! chao SAD!!
- finalli aft so long, we all get to eat MAC! wo~O!
Yu Chu! Haha.
20/8,monday
- last lesson wiv china tcheRs! damn lit de tcheR.. hahaz.. very emo type.. i lafed.. sRY. hahaz.. end of lesson, she played jay's jian dan ai.. we all sang tgt eh! hahahahahz.. cool..
- ZZ gave all a piece of tshirT!! cooL!
- evening went bu xing jie AGAIN! we strategised.. in e end bought lotsa tings in a very short tYM! cooL! hahahz..
- bot a disney top for RMB89 n a disNey bottoms for RMB179... damn ex but i lyk it. hahaz..
ARGH. How sad Singapore doesn't snow. Wahahahaha...
21/8,tuesday
- i fell sick. very scary. it was ling ba fa yan.. sth to do with e lymph node near my neck.. aRRRGHH.. realli painful..
- despite e pain, i still forced myself to sing 2 songs at e KTV at nite.. but aft tt, i realli cant take it anymore.. went to c doc... n e pharmacy "DoC" said i had to go for a drip in e hospital... i was stunned.. realli shocked... i couldnt react properly.. i was too scared to think of it.. but dey told me i had no other choices.. my fever was 39.1.. VEry hiGH.
- on e wae, many tots went past my mind. i used every nbit of courage to hold back my tears of fear.. i was realli helpless n scared without my family wiv me. guan cried too.. wahahahz..
- on cab, i had many stupid imaginations. hospitalised, death, operation, etc,etc flashed thru.. all i tot of were my family n friends.. many moments, my eyes were watery, woth tears of the reluctance to lose my family.. haha.. but i realli am ok n fine, alive n kicking in e end la.. hahahz..
- had 3 needle pokes all in all.. aRGh.. my firsT tym drip, in china.
- i was tinking mainly of family, HSBC n 23rd when i was feeling realli realli unwell.. =))
- stayed over at tcher's condo.. took huang laoshi's bed.. realli bu hao yi si ..... =((
Heartfelt gratitude to all who provided support in one way or another. i really needed the support, especially when I had no family beside me.
22/8,wednesday
- damn ke lian.. i cant go wiv e rest.. i watched the bus leave.. everyone left but they all left something with me.. their support, their encouragement, their wisheds. =))
- i stayed at sunzhuren's hsE tis dAE! cooL! realli appreciated her great hosting.. she's a great person.. she treats me jus lyk her own daughter..
- 9.30am, i had another drip.. i was not realli scared actl.. maybe cos im alone now, ttz y i had to be strong ba..
- went back sun's hse.. she asked her 2 students come acc me.. another tcher came too.. sun cook.. heEehee.. maDe me feel lyk home..! quoting from mr leow, "the food was good, but the company was even better." I totalli agree.
- watched harry potter n used internet! yes! chatted wiv HSBCYL!!! very happi!!! realli brightened my daE!!!!!! =)))
- called home in da afternoon.. heard mum's voice.. i jus feel lyk crying.. i choked quite alot of tyms.. i tink she din hear it.. aRgh.. i jus miss her alot when im on drip, when im sick, when im helpless.. her voice made me feel so secure and safe.. i feel her presence anw.. giving my strength to carry on.. =))
With family and friends around, nothing can get to the worst.
23/8,thursday
- managed to persudae tcher to allow me to go yun tai shan!!! yeAH!!!! finaLLI!!!! im back wiv da tEaM! woO~!
- total, we climed 10km eh!!! hahahhaz..
- on e wae up e mountain, dere's tis car.. wAH!! cool man! e driver drove damn damn damn fAst la!!! lyk taking roller coaster lyk tt la!! very scaRy but damn exciting.. hahahaz..
- nite went sun's hse to bathe.. hahah.. yes.. in e end, we forgone e last tym of drip since im alr well.. heng sia.. i was realli scaRed todAe.. dono y.. hahahz.. we ended up chatting n eating at sun's plaCE! great nitE! =))
Thanks for the messages. =))
aft 23/8, i couldnt rmb much alr.. hahaz.. but basicalli, it was still wonderful! THANKS ALL WHO EXPRESSED CONCERN WHEN IM SICK! THANKS YANGCE,YONGEN,YANLI,YVONNE FOR THE BDAE CAKE ON 29TH! THANKS YANGCE,YONGEN,YANLI FOR THE BDAE GIFT! THANKS ALL FOR THE BDAE WISHES!!!!=)) THANKS SUN LAO SHI FOR THE CARE AND CONCERN!
I didn't know such a short 2 weeks could make me miss the people in Zheng Zhou, especially Sun lao shi. She made me feel comforted. She's just like my mum. Thanks lots. I'll never forget her.
[31.08.2007]
it was cool.. i had my birthdae in 2 countries.. hahaz.. from china to singapore~! cool man! hahaz.. hsbcyl came to fetch me! n i actl believed tt dey r not coming.. hahaz.. but well.... THANKS SHERMAN BENJA YEELE!!! =))) yr presence is alr enuf actl.. thanks for e surprise n e gifTs! realli appreciate dEM loaDs lotS!!! =))))))))))))))))))))
Back at home. 21 days in China seem like a beautiful dream.
[01.09.2007]
went for tian leng jiu hui lai de musical? dono.. ying yue ju.. quite cool.. e songs all very nice n very beautifully linked up with the show.. jus tt i don realli lyk e ending.. abit..... borIng? yeah.. hahaz.. i expected much much much more touching ending la.. haahz.. okkkies nvm..
aFt tt wEnt LJS wiv guan.. saw a ger, i guess is sec2 gal, smoking.. every puff she takes in, i feel a stab in my heart.. i was tinking of her mother den.. well.. she could hv tot of her too aCTl.. how sAd.. wad is tis world turning into...
aft tt went shop a lil.. i bought a bag.. hahaz.. wAH.. SPLURGE~! ARGH.
[02.09.2007]
went ms phua's hse!! saw her baby!! very cute eh!! he's MarK Hayden sth sth sth.. i couldn't realli rmb.. hahaz.. babies are all cutE!! including my man man!!!
when i reached home, FINALLI I SAW MAN MAN!!! he was so excitEd to c me la!! he kept kicking his leGs n lafing n lafing despite e fact tt he's still drinking his miLK!! aWwww!!! he's so dArn CUTE my mANfReD!!!!!!!!!!!! hee hee... love him LOADS! =)) MUACKX!
Worry. When can this ever end?